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Decisions to make? Pray about it...

Icen — Mon, 30 May 2011 19:57:00 GMT

HALT...TAKE6 and pray! Let me explain.

Life is a chain of decisions linked to your destiny; good ones [decisions] keep the train moving forward while poor decisions derail the train if allowed to go unchecked.

There is not a day that goes by that doesn't require us to make many decisions. I'm talking about things even as simple as what to wear and what to eat. So as we continuously seek to get better on the inside, let's also turn our focus to the daily choices we make that are in no small part, steps (or links) to us reaching our full destiny.

So HALT...TAKE6 and pray! Don't make any decisions when you are:

H - hungry

A - angry

L - lonely

T - tired

Instead, TAKE "6 seconds; 6 minutes; 6 hours; 6 days, or whatever it takes" and pray FIRST...before you make any decisions. This especially includes decisions with men; however taking time to gather yourself and pray is an awesome tool to use in every aspect of your life. Whether you have to make a decision for a major purchase, responding to your children, family, work situations or friends; take a pause and pray. For example, when we are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired, being rational is usually not the most important thing. We want to be satisfied or get some sort of relief immediately. But are the decisions we make during these times the same choices we would make if our heart, mind, and body were at peace? When you have time, let your mind run back to see if this is true for your past.

Nevertheless, help is only a prayer away! God wants to hear from you. And He wants to be included in absolutely every decision you make, no matter how small or silly you think it might be.

God is not only in your today; He knows your future - every twist and turn along your destiny.
Therefore, be confident in seeking His complete guidance for your life. And pray for the strength of heart to follow His lead when He says, this is the way...walk ye in it.

Keep moving forward!

Icen

Matthew 7:7 "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."

Campaign TAKE6 is going on the Road!

Icen — Fri, 13 May 2011 02:31:00 GMT

Join TAKE6 on August 6, 2011 as we descend upon the Nation's capitol for a day of empowerment. The event will be held outdoors in Washington DC, at one of the National Parks known as Freedom Plaza, located on Pennsylvania Avenue, between 13th and 14th Streets - just two blocks from the White House!

It's no coincidence that the first road show for the campaign is at "Freedom Plaza." God is telling us something. Ladies, bring your lawn chairs, water bottles, and an open heart.

Together we will forget the past, celebrate new life, and press towards a higher calling!

Click here to sign up and be counted on the TAKE6 journey.

We have an exciting agenda planned, and a number of pleasant surprises up our sleeves. The celebration starts at 12:00 noon and ends at 2:00 PM. Tell your friends and bring them along. All are welcome!

Can't wait to see you there!
--Icen

Happy Easter!

Icen — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 05:28:00 GMT

What a wonderful time and season to remind you that in Christ you are free! Let the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus be a sign to you to let the past die, burying every nagging reminder of it; and resurrect the real you - that fearless, loving creation God fashioned in his own image.

Imagine if you would, an unlocked cage with the gate wide open. The bars of the cage represent things that keep you bound like bitterness, shame, unforgiveness, worry and pride. The corners of the cage are condemnation, allowing you to sink deep into them whenever you feel unworthy of God's grace and love. And the open gate represents the freedom we have because of what our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ did on that cross.

So, what am I trying to say? The door/gate of bondage has been forever removed! (Hallelujah!) Walk out...of...the cage.

For the next 30 days, practice making your thoughts obedient to Christ - the word of God. Research and have a few Scriptures in your heart ready to confess when you feel anxious, stressed or worried. If you are holding on to bitterness and unforgiveness, get rid of it. These two really take a toll on your health and they can be a hindrance in your relationship with God. And how do you say goodbye to bitterness and unforgiveness? Repent, and love. For pride, surrender your will to God's. And if you are shame about anything you've done, remember that you are forgiven and accepted in the beloved.

Freedom is yours. All you have to do is walk out the cage.

Peace in all things...

Icen

January 8, Day 6: Spiritual Character

Icen — Sat, 08 Jan 2011 04:50:00 GMT

This is it... Day 6. It's time to bring everything full circle with the topic of Spirituality, specifically spiritual character. It's been an awesome week. Thank you so much for tuning in to TAKE6 2011. Open your hearts for this last bit of inspiration. Let's start off today with knowledge vs. wisdom. Here we go...

Knowledge is good, but a vast difference stands between “knowledge” (having the facts) and “wisdom” (applying those facts to life). We may amass knowledge, but without wisdom our knowledge is useless. We must learn how to “live out” what we know. (Footnote, NLT)

Is it safe to say that many of us on this TAKE6 journey have accepted that the path we have been on with men is not working? Some of us have tried every conceivable way to ignore the cry of our spirit telling us not to get involved with a particular man because of the circumstances or situation. But sometimes our “will” or desire to satisfy the loneliness we feel or the fear of being alone won’t allow the spirit to be heard.

It is said that a man’s (man/woman) will is the strongest thing in the earth. Think about that. If you decide to do something, who can change you’re mind? And if you decide not to do something, who can change your mind? Not even God overrides the will of man.

Ladies. Take some time to “decide” what you believe, who you want to be, and what you want to do regarding men. Once you are clear on these things, dig in to the 66 books of the Bible to feed your spirit. Your spiritual character will be refined and the Word will grow deep roots in your heart. Then you will be able to “live out” what you know in full confidence.

And you know what? When you mess up, which is a guarantee if you’re human, don’t condemn yourself. Repent, and do whatever else you need to do, i.e. apologize, forgive, etc. and keep it moving. Condemnation is a trick of the enemy, so I wanted to define the following words for clarity:

Condemnation: The act of declaring a sinner guilty (Romans 5:18). Jesus’ mission was not to condemn but to save (John 3:17-18). Note: As a believer, even though you may mess up, you are not condemned. So don’t drag around wallowing in your mistakes, turning away from God because you don’t feel worthy. Go before the Lord and repent. You are forgiven! Nothing shall separate us from the love of God (see Romans 8:35-37).

Conviction: An awareness of one’s sin guilt that leads to confession and repentance. The Holy Spirit is the agent of conviction (Hebrews 3:7). Note: Condemnation turns you away from God. Conviction leads you to God.

Wisdom to keep in your heart: Any pressure that drives you away from God’s word is the beginning of a test.

God’s unfailing love for us is all around us – in the air we breathe, the seasons changing without fail, the blessings of family and friends…and I could go on. So with a heart of gratitude, let’s give praise to the Most High – thankful for our lives, all He’s brought us through, and for His grace that keeps us.

Well, ladies…the TAKE6 kick off has run its course. If you followed this journey, I'm certain you are serious about the quality of your life and your relationship with God, because we went deeper this year. The campaign grew teeth (LOL), which is necessary for growth. Shed the hurt...clear your heart, and sharpen your spirit. This will help you to STAND through the many storms of life and come out victorious.

Be encouraged this year. The best is yet to come! May God richly bless you in deed and in truth!

Peace in all things.

--Icen

January 7, Day 5: How about some sexual healing?

Icen — Fri, 07 Jan 2011 05:02:00 GMT

Ladies, as we quickly approach the final day of the TAKE6 kick off for 2011, I hope you're finding value in the blog posts. If you would like to share your story or post a comment to my entries, sign up and send me a note. I really enjoy reading your comments, so don't be shy.

Today, the focus is on the topic that got this campaign started: Sexual Behavior. You ready? Let's get to it...

It is said that when a man and woman climax during sex, they receive a part of the other's soul. Considering this is true, what do you require of a man before you offer him a piece of your soul? Do you require anything?

When I was younger, the qualities I looked for in a man were pretty superficial but I didn't know any better. I wanted him to be fine, tall, dark complexioned; have a nice smile, dress nice, smell nice and be well groomed. In my early 30s my list changed a bit, but not too much. To that same list I added good communicator, had to like kids (I was a single mom by then), honest & loyal, I took complexion off, and I added hair (it's hard to find a black man with hair these days and I was tired of looking at bald heads... LOL).

I didn't give much thought to the guy's values and ideals on how to treat women. It just never occurred to me. I was raised to treat people how I wanted to be treated. In my ignorance, I assumed that all people were taught this basic principle. But I learned the hard way that when you're dealing with relationships of the heart between men and women, there is a different set of rules -- unspoken rules that must be followed.

About three years ago, my list looked something like this: good hygiene, smart, optimistic, willingness to communicate, confidence and charisma, honest & loyal. Not until the last two years have I realized that the type of man I want to love has to be the type of man that can be in a respectful, loving, committed relationship, and desires to live a life holy unto God. And I'm unwavering on this list.

Last year, TAKE6 presented an exercise where women were asked to make a list of requirements that absolutely every man of romantic interest had to meet BEFORE investing time in getting to know him. We called the list our non-negotiable standards. I ask that you spend some time doing this exercise before you jump back into the dating scene this year. I think a lack of standards (or superficial ones) is how many women find themselves in situations with married and attached men; or even casual sex relationships when they really want a commitment. Here are a few things to consider when making your list:

- Be honest with yourself about what matters to you. You might have to make a few tweaks to your list here and there as you date and realize what you refuse to tolerate, or to add a new quality you can't live without.

- Don't concern yourself with what men want. They need to meet your standards. Why? Because only you know what you need so that you don't end up feeling used and disrespected.

- Once you have a list, treat it like the Ten Commandments (lol). When the pressure is on, a man that is really interested in getting to know you, will rise to the occasion.

Earlier, I mentioned unspoken rules that must be followed. Here are the ones I know to be a fact:

- Stand firm in what you believe (your standards). If you have declared abstinence to a man, but when he puts the full court press on you for sex and you cave, he will never believe another word you say. (This is definitely a double standard, but it's true.)

- Don't chase a man or you will have to be the chaser as long as you're in any kind of relationship with him. If a man wants to get to know you, you won't have to chase him. You won't have to wonder why he hasn't called in days. You will be a priority for him.

- If a man doesn't want a committed relationship and you do, leave him alone. Good sex, a nice body, a pretty face...none of these things have the power to change his mind. He will take as much of you as you give him, but the relationship will never grow. Wherever the relationship stands at three months, there will it be even two years later.

The TAKE6 movement suggests abstaining from sex during campaign activities. However, it is my greatest wish that all single women realize they are worth so much more than casual sex. I understand how big of a decision it is to give up sex until marriage, but I wish exactly that for each one of you. There is nothing wrong with sex...God gave it as a gift to the bond of marriage. But outside of that bond, satisfying sexual desires is wreaking havoc in the earth - destroying families, taking lives, and hurting many people.

Be fearless with men. Set your standards and hold your position. If more single women do this, men will eventually get the message and fall in line.

Helpful Tip: When you meet someone new and you really want to know who the guy is - on the inside - there is a sure way to know. Test his character using the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23).

²² But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, ²³ gentleness and self-control.... (NIV)

The fruit of the Spirit are grown. You can't fake this. Spiritual fruit take surrender to God and time to grow. As you spend time with a man getting to know him and watching for these signs, you will know if he's right for you (if these qualities are important to you). Also, you can test your own character to check if you have surrendered completely to the transforming power of the Holy Spirit.

Be sure to check out the 3rd Watch 2010 if you want to review the work we did with sexual behavior last year. Tomorrow is our last day. We'll talk about our Spirituality.

Hang in there!
--Icen

January 6, Day 4: Is there any forgiveness in the house?

Icen — Thu, 06 Jan 2011 05:03:00 GMT

Hey ladies! What did you think about the poem yesterday? When I read it for the first time, it was like I wanted to mature immediately into that way of thinking. It's almost like it softens the heart. So today, I'm asking you to open your heart and really take in what follows. Let's go...

"I'm sorry..."

Have you ever had someone that hurt you say those two words to you? Do you remember how you felt hearing them? On the flip side of that, have you ever longed for someone to say these words, but you're still waiting?

Forgiveness. Another powerful word that stirs up strong emotions in both the person on the receiving end, as well as the one that gathered their nerves to apologize.

Yesterday we talked about acceptance and how important it is to be okay with the truth, for your own good. Well another step in this process is forgiveness – not just forgiving others though, but also forgiving your self.

Everybody has a story (some more dramatic than others), and at some point in our lives, we have all experienced hurt. But what I find quite interesting is that many times the people that hurt you never set out to do so. There was no wicked plan or scheme; they just took the selfish route and decided to "do them." And I've also found it common for people not to even realize they've hurt someone's feelings until they detect a change in attitude towards them by the offended person.

With this in mind, is there anyone you need to forgive? Based on your list of things to “accept” from yesterday, are there any names and faces attached to those experiences? If so, it’s time to forgive.

Make a list of names, and one-by-one, along with accepting unfortunate things that have happened to you, forgive the parties attached to those hurtful situations. Now, I’m not suggesting that you pick up the phone and call these people – they might find it creepy (lol), but I am asking you to free your heart from any ill feelings you may have toward them and the situation that happened. Releasing others helps you to release your self. Here’s an example of what you could speak into the atmosphere:

“John, I forgive you for what you did to me.” (Be detailed.) “I release all the hurt you caused, from my life, and I release myself from it having a hold on me any longer.”

Now, let’s go higher. Is there anyone you need to extend an apology to? This one is hard, I know. But just like your heart longs to hear a deserved apology, so does a person you offended. In this particular case, you might want to apologize in person or pick up the phone, or you could send an e-mail if you’re chicken (this would be my approach…LOL).

Lastly, and most forgotten is forgiving yourself. As important as it is to forgive others, you must also forgive yourself. Some times we just mess up. We make bad choices, we say the wrong thing, we do the wrong thing – it happens. Don't beat up on yourself about it. Instead, repent…forgive yourself…accept and love!

Words of wisdom to keep in your heart: People can’t meet your expectations. Only Jesus can meet your every need.

Tomorrow we'll tap into the man-woman mystery on the topic of Sexual Behavior. Get ready to set standards for how you'll move forward with men. Out with the old...in with the new! )

Don't forget Proverbs 3:5-6.

Chat tomorrow...
Icen

January 5, Day 3: Can you accept the truth?

Icen — Wed, 05 Jan 2011 05:02:00 GMT

Hey ladies! I hope you're hanging in there with the work we're doing. Today marks the halfway point for TAKE6 kick off week. And the question for today is, can you "accept" the truth?

You know... Sometimes the truth is down right ugly; but it doesn't change the fact that it is indeed a fact. And although the truth doesn't always make what happened right, carrying around the weight of the matter can be too much for the heart to bear. I'm talking about hurtful things in the past as well as situations in the present with family, friends, workplace stuff, and of course, men.

I imagine that a broken heart probably has jagged edged cracks with words like disappointed, rejected, abused, cheated on, lied to etc., all floating around in it. However, many of us have learned to function quite well in that state -- it's called survival. Yet, no matter how you try to suppress hurt, until it is checked and put in the right perspective, it will control your life.

Acceptance… What a powerful word and a wonderful start to allow God to heal and mend your heart.

Here is what I suggest. Make a note of the things that have happened to you over the course of your life that you just can't seem to get over. Now, I'm not telling you to dig up the past (let sleeping dogs lie). Just list the issues. Then take them one-by-one and really "accept" that it happened. As unfair and hurtful as your issues may be, there is absolutely nothing in the world you can do to change them. And guess what? God never wastes a hurt! If you let Him, he will give you a new heart and make every single thing in your past work for your good. The very thing you may be struggling with, may be the very thing you can help someone else get through if you would only accept your life - all of it - and set your heart free.

Here are some things I struggled with until a few years ago:
- Left to be a single mom...twice
- Inappropriately touched as a child by a trusted adult
- I didn't believe my father liked or loved me as a child
- unfaithful spouse and also boyfriends before and after my marriage

Trust me when I say, I held on to this stuff for dear life (lol). There was even a time when I wanted everyone who ever hurt me to be hurt ten times over. And in some of these instances, I just wanted to know "why?" What did I do to deserve what I got. But you know what? Hearing the answer still wouldn't justify an adult with sexual intent towards a child, or a father neglecting his responsibility as a parent. So...I LET IT GO. I pray that you can do the same...for your own good.

In closing, I want to share a poem I think will really bless you. When I read it for the first time over 10 years ago, it taught me a lot about myself. If your heart will allow it, accept the words and the message.

AFTER A WHILE
"After a while, you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean leaning
And company doesn't mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while, you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn."
After a while...that is.
Author Unknown

Love you, ladies. Be encouraged! Tomorrow we'll flow into Forgiveness and bless those who hurt you.

Chat with you tomorrow... )
--Icen

January 4, Day 2: Is it love that you're feeling?

Icen — Tue, 04 Jan 2011 05:25:00 GMT

Happy New Year! (I forgot to say that yesterday... Please forgive me. )

Okay. So we're still sort of in the soul today since emotions can get the best of us when it comes to love. Today we'll spend time on love and the connection between the heart and soul. Let's go...

He loves me...he loves me not... He loves me... As a young girl, I remember saying this while plucking petals from a flower. But what is love? A million times I thought I was in love, but after the newness of the relationship wore off, the only things left were cordial words and sex. Can you relate?

Love n.: a deep and tender feeling of affection for or attachment or devotion to a person or persons. (Webster)
Lust n.: a desire to gratify the senses; bodily appetite. (Webster)

Defined, it's clear to see the difference between love and lust, which I'm sure you already know. But I wanted to make the definitions readily available for the work we'll do today. Now, put on your boots, we're about to go deeper...

We are 3 parts: spirit, soul and body. As mentioned yesterday, your soul is your thoughts, emotions and will. Well, your spirit (the breath of God) is your conscience. Or let me say it this way: the voice of your spirit is your conscience.

Conscience n.: a knowledge or sense of right and wrong, with an urge to do right; moral judgment that opposes the violation of a previously recognized ethical principle and that leads to feelings of guilt if one violates such a principle. (Webster)

Now, this is why I said yesterday that you have to make your thoughts and emotions submit to your spirit. Your spirit (conscience) already knows right from wrong once it has been exposed to the truth about a matter. But the soul can easily be confused. When the soul has only known rejection and hurt, how can it really know what love is?

Just like the body, the spirit and soul need to be fed in order to grow and thrive. The spirit requires spiritual food which can only come from God. The Word feeds your spirit and tunes your heart to hear from God. However, the soul requires wisdom (Godly wisdom that is) and "love deposits." Yes... the soul needs to know love or it will be restless, even to the point of becoming desperate, leading to destructive behavior with men.

The soul is fed by the troubles of life and our experiences - good or bad. And although we are not to blame for the hurtful things that were deposited into our soul as a child like teasing by other kids, or parents and other family members who may have said or done hurtful things to us, these negative deposits take over like weeds choking out good sprouts. And guess what? Those damaging weeds remain there affecting our thoughts and emotions and every decision we make until we seek to gain control of our thought life, emotions and will.

This is where the heart comes in. Your heart involves your soul in everything it does. The heart is a "clearing house" so to speak. Your memory, and soul (thoughts, emotions and will) makes inputs into your clearing house. The heart is where you decide to obey your soul or your spirit. Here's a scenario given as an example of what I mean:

Mister too fine for words approaches you and starts a conversation. You don't see a wedding band on his finger so you continue to check him out knowing he's doing the same. You engage him in conversation and when he asks for your telephone number, you give it with no problem because you already know (from questioning) that he's not married. After meeting him a few times (not a date) at a local coffee shop for conversation, you finally ask the right questions and find out that he lives with someone...a woman he is in a romantic relationship with. Even so, he tells you that the relationship is not working out and that he will be moving out into his own place soon. You really, really like the conversations you've had and the chemistry is
definitely there.

What would you do? Given this scenario without any other details of his relationship with this woman, will you continue to get to know him?

Morally, no further details would be needed. You either date married or attached men or you don't. But it's not always that simple (trust me, I know). If after reading this scenario, you began to reason whether or not you should keep talking to this guy, your heart is processing memories, perhaps previous hurts dealing with a similar experience, and getting input from your "will" which is even more powerful than anything else talked about here. So which do you obey...your soul and its desires or your spirit which wants to do the right thing? You should give your response considerable thought as it will be a good indicator for you of the condition of your heart and soul.

Okay. I think we've gone deep enough for today. Let's come back up for air now. Back to L-O-V-E... Love is not to be confused with affection, infatuation, or chemistry with a man. All of these things give you good feelings, but they do not equate to love. Love requires commitment - the chains of love and commitment are linked together, and love is able to prove itself without ever saying a word.

So how do you know if it's love that you're feeling? A man will be patient with you and accepting of whatever decisions you have made for your life (abstinence, etc.). On the other hand, lust is impatient and demanding and it seeks only to be satisfied, and once it is, it moves on until the next craving.

Is your heart broken and your soul bruised by life? Does it seem impossible to find true love? Close the door to lust and give love a chance to grow in your heart and soul. The love of God is what I'm talking about. When you realize how much God loves you - and this is a process - your soul will heal from the past, and your heart will respond with joy.

*********************************
Require more, ladies. The right man will love you for it. Don't allow a few good conversations over the phone and sensual comments about your body and good looks influence your ability to make sound choices with men. The idea is for love and commitment to grow together.

Things to remember:
- Build your spirit. It will sustain you through life's challenges. The spirit knows the truth; it will help you rise above a situation and will never lead you wrong.
- Be careful of what you feed your soul; and allow God to heal the unfruitful things already there.

Biblical Truth: God's Holy Spirit indwells us and speaks to us through our spirit. The Holy Spirit is our Comforter and Helper. He will lead and guide you into all truths. This is why you can trust your spirit when you have accepted Jesus into your heart as your Lord and Savior. The Holy Spirit only speaks what God has told him which is the greatest reason why you can trust your conscience, so be sure not to subdue it thereby falling into denial. Spend some time with God daily to see what He has to say to you about your life - the purpose, plan, and vision for you concerning Him. He's waiting...

Okay. I'm signing off now. I know the first two days have been a lot to think about. If you're new to TAKE6, check out the 2nd Watch 2010 at the left Archive menu. The information tomorrow will be lighter - but still thought provoking. Tomorrow we'll flow into the concept of acceptance. Oh...remember Proverbs 3:5-6.

Till tomorrow...
--Icen