January 3, Day 1: How is your thought life?
It's a new year, and time for new things. Wherever you are in life right now with men, whether dating, having casual sex relationships, or both, it's time to go higher. It's time to require more. With our eyes and hearts towards God as our helper, and our legs closed (lol), in six days, with six topics, we'll touch on the primary
concerns and issues single women face in a society where monogamy is trumped by casual relations.
So much has happened since this time last year that my brain refuses to process it all again by taking a trip down memory lane. And I would suspect that many of you can relate. This being the case, for the sake of moving forward and leaving the past in the past, I ask that you give some thought to the things you did well last year. You know, things like making good solid choices with men (and otherwise), taking the high road when someone insulted or disrespected you, practicing forgiveness, and spreading love.
These qualities all show growth in character, so bring them along into the New Year. As for the mistakes you made - no matter how big - forgive yourself, repent, and leave them in 2010. TAKE6 is all about keeping the train moving forward. Are you ready? Let's go...
Today, the topic is "How is your thought life?" What I mean by this is what are you thinking? Are your thoughts healthy and positive, leading you down a path of happiness and peaceful living?
In order to go a little deeper about your thoughts, we must understand where they originate. The "soul" is your mind, will, and emotions, and is said to determine all behavior. Think about that... What is stored up in the soul determines our behavior. This means if you've had disappointment, hurt, trust issues, etc., in the past, especially as a child, or even now, those things influence your thoughts and decisions as an adult. And when your pattern with men tends to follow this same hurtful path (disappointment, etc.), there is a great need for healing deep down in the soul.
So today, I want you to give some thought to your behavior with men. Give considerable thought to how you respond and interact with them, especially keying in on what leads you to decisions where you find casual sex to be a viable answer for what you really want. Answer these questions:
1. Do you want sex or love?
2. Do you believe you are worthy of love, or have you convinced yourself that one (sex/love) is a substitute for the other?
Another creepy crawler that can inch its way into your thought life is denial. You can check to see if this one has worked its way into your mind by answering the following question:
3. When you make a decision to do something you know isn't right (morally/spiritually), do you convince yourself that it is okay because your intentions are mostly good?
Ladies. These are tough questions, I know. But they are not meant to offend. Everything we do on this journey has to start with honesty towards yourself first. From a point of honesty you can address issues; without it, you can never be authentic with yourself. Since you follow the campaign from the comfort of your own home, no one will ever see your answers, so keep it real!
As I type, I'm remembering a saying that I use to take pride in repeating as a single woman. It goes something like this... "Yes, I'm single, but I'm not lonely...I'm alone. There's a difference." Well...yeah! There is a difference, but it's ludicrous to believe that single people don't get lonely - no matter how much they enjoy their own company (lol).
After all, the dating scene is where you can learn a lot about yourself. Not only do you learn your limits with men, but you also painfully learn what happens when you have no limits with men (ouch!).
We all want to be in a healthy, loving, amicable relationship with the perfect man for us. But, there are rules to this game just like everything else in life, and it begins with your thought life. Do your thoughts and actions match up with what you believe? If not, stop everything and first decide what you believe. For example, do you believe sex should come with a commitment or monogamy? If yes, then never sleep with a man who is not your man. Also, and I know I'm going out on a limb here... If you believe in the principles of the Bible and that sex is for marriage, do you still engage in pre-marital sex? (I know I'm on toes with this one... LOL.) The point is, know what you believe in and stand on it. In the same way, if you are convinced that all you want from a man is sex, make sure your beliefs line up with this or you will never be settled in your spirit which leaves the door wide open for denial to creep in.
Once you know what you believe, you can began to make your thoughts and emotions submit to your beliefs...even when it means being alone.
Things to remember:
- Your dominant thoughts are what will determine which way your life will go.
- Our emotions and thoughts come from the same place, the soul. You must train your emotions to submit to what you know are the facts. When you practice this consistently, your thoughts will change; the way you evaluate things will change, and the way you think about yourself and see others will change.
Scripture: Proverbs 3:5-6 is the Word for 2011. Meditate on it day and night. I pray it will bring you direction, revelation and comfort this year.
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
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Feel free to post comments to my entry and even share your story with me via Email: campaigntake6@aol.com.
If this is your first time with TAKE6, you should read through the work we accomplished last year on this topic by going to 1st Watch 2010 from the left menu. We're building on that foundation.
See you tomorrow when we'll flow from our thoughts into our hearts to talk about L-O-V-E. Remember to keep those legs closed!
--Icen
Posted by Icen at 1/2/2011 11:00 PM 
Categories: TAKE6 2011
Tags: take 6 single women Tom Joyner Morning Show black men in america
Categories: TAKE6 2011
Tags: take 6 single women Tom Joyner Morning Show black men in america
This is so on time. I think with every new year, most people are on fire to change and maybe start out strong but lose steam around the third week of the month. lol But I have been on a journey since about 2009 of personal and spiritual development. Along the journey I have fallen several times and even some at the beginning of last year. But I have been abstinent since about May of last year 2010 and I have literally thrown myself into meditating, reading the Word and even have sought professional therapy to deal w/ old childhood wounds...many of which contributing to me having misconstrued ideals about sex and love being interchangable (Which they're not). I am almost 30 and I have such a strong desire to live for God and do what He has asked us to do. It's hard because as you said, you enjoy your singlehood, but single people do get lonely. I think about if I were to meet "the one for me" would I honestly wait until marriage? Would I make that a requirement? or would I wait 9 months or a year? or whenever? I want to wait until marriage. My college roommate is getting married this May. She has been w/ her fiance for 3 years. Their wedding night will be the first time they make love. They gives me hope to know that there are men out there that will wait, but (I), we WOMEN set the standard. We have to mean what we say and say what we mean.
Thanks for this blog. Please keep the posts coming. There are a lot of sisters on the same journey and mindset as yourself and we need the support and encouragement.
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Hi there... welcome back! About abstinence and obedience to God, I have found that I have to share my decision with men right away; not even giving myself time to think too deep into who he is and what we could have (you know how we do...LOL). May will be 3 years for me, but I almost messed that up over summer. Since the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak, I know that I can only date a man who has the same relationship goals as me. That way we will be careful not to temp each other. Thanks for sharing the story about your friend -- it is refreshing and quite encouraging. Hang in there... Icen
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Icen, I have a question or questions for you. Those were some good questions you asked in this post and I was not happy with my answers. So here is my question. Once we have answered these questions, what do we do then? A lot of times, I have asked and answered these questions but then had no where to go, no one to talk about it with. I don't have many female friends probably because I am always seeking approval from men. I am at a lost so what is the purpose of asking yourself these questions if no one is there to help you figure things out?
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Hi Evelyn, I do remember you from last year. I'm so glad you're in a better place and are working on self love. You bring up a great question. Exactly what does one do...what is the next step after answering the questions in my posts. I imagine many others have these same questions...they just never asked. This is what I suggest once you have been honest with yourself. If you really want love and not just sex, you can first start by changing your behavior with men. Take sex totally out of the equation. Decide what things are important to you and don't compromise them for any man. Of course this would be character traits and faith-based beliefs, etc., more so than physical appearance. (When the chemistry is there, you know it without saying a word.) And the truth is, you may have many lonely nights, but you'll have your dignity and self worth. I know this is not as simple to do as it is to write. And I agree that it helps to have girlfriends or even one person to share with and talk things through with... If you're open to it, you and I can talk. I have your number on the sign-up form. Send me an e-mail at campaigntake6@aol.com and let me know if and when it's okay to call you and we can chat it up.
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That is interesting to think about, made me reconsider a few things!
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The enemy has one goal, and that is to cause you to doubt the goodness of God.
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The way that he gains access into your life is through your thought life.
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It’s hard to sort the good from the bad sometimes, but I think you’ve nailed it!
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Absolutely. Thanks for commenting! Icen
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