Hi ladies! Well…(a heavy sigh) Making my list for the assignment last week was crazy. Keep in mind that I am 41-years-old; married at 22…divorced five years later. So I have been living the single life since 1995 – making my share of foolish mistakes with men along the way. I won’t reveal how many names are on my list; however, what I noticed is that my interactions or relations with these men fell into 3 categories: 1) girl-friend/boy-friend relationship, 2) casual sex pretending we’re in a relationship, and 3) Why did I do that? (There is absolutely no reason why I had sex with this person. He was not my type, we had no chemistry, and I really didn’t even like him.)  LOL

So, as shameful as it was to see my choices and behavior on paper, this exercise served as a reminder to me of how compassionate, forgiving, gracious and loving our God is. It also brought to my remembrance a poem my mother wrote about singles and sex. And it goes like this…

What is singles and sex? Singles and sex

is giving a little of your soul to this one

and that one; and receiving a little of this

one and that one’s soul, until you are unsure

of who you are and what you believe.

Singles and sex causes you to ask the

question, who is the lord of my life?

I tell you what, ask the Lord Jesus Christ

to become Lord of your life and bring your

scattered soul back in oneness with you.

                                    ©Joyce N. Bates

I love that poem…it’s so deep. Now, I understand that some of you are not as “seasoned” (lol) as I am or some of the other ladies on this journey. But you must have had at least one unfavorable experience with a man if you are following the campaign. If this speaks to you, just apply all the questions and exercises to your experience with that guy.

Continuing with your list from last week, did you notice a cycle? I’m not talking about the types of guys you chose to be with, but rather your own cycle. For me, no matter what category (see above) my relationships fell in, I behaved the same way – I was too giving of myself far too soon. And another thing I found true is that most times it wasn’t even about the sex. Sometimes it was for attention; sometimes for love, and other times to feed a bruised ego following a break-up. Can you relate?

For this week, take your list and answer the questions below for each person on your list.

1.    Was the relationship amicable? Did you get what you wanted out of it? (a commitment, etc.)

2.    Was your desire to be with him about the sex? If not, what need were you attempting to feed by being with him even though the relationship wasn’t working for you?

The reason I asked the second question is that I believe for women, it’s never just about the sex – even if it’s good sex. Because once the man who gives good sex disappoints you enough, cheats on you, or breaks your spirit, his touch becomes the last thing you want. So it’s important to identify what motivated your past behavior – was it sex, or some other need? You need to know in order to break the cycle.

Before I close for this week, let’s go deeper. I have an exercise for those who can relate to the “Singles and Sex” poem. Since the act of sex is a “transfer and binding” of the two souls involved, Iet’s think about that. The pastor of a church I visited last week called it “soul-ties.”

So here’s the exercise: Ask God to release the soul-tie between you and each guy on your list (individually). And do it both ways…for example you would say: God…I release the soul-tie I have with Mike...from me to Mike, and from Mike to me, in the name of Jesus.   

Now, I’m aware that this may seem strange or even too deep for some, but how many times have you been thinking about nothing in particular and some guy from your past just creeps into your thoughts? You know what I mean...? Either the sex was good or you were just crazy in love with him. The connection to the soul is still there. This would be a soul-tie that you should ask God to break.

Sexual connections are so much deeper than swinging from chandeliers and asking "whose is it." A lot goes on when a man and woman make that connection. So now let us cleanse our souls just like we did our minds and hearts in the 1^st and 2^nd Watch.

**For good measure, look up the definition of "soul."

Share your thoughts!  J