3rd Watch - Sexual Behavior: March 29 - May 16 (Week 13)
A warm welcome to those who joined the challenge over the last week! The number of visitors to the blog has more than doubled over the last two weeks. As we journey to renew ourselves, it is my greatest hope that you find inspiration and a fresh perspective on your life.
Now, for the next six weeks, let’s look at your choices in men and what your attraction to them has been in the past, versus what you really wanted.
It’s often said that women don’t know what they want, but I beg to differ. Most of us do know what we want; however, we tend to “settle” when what we want seems impossible to obtain. We want to be considered, respected, and loved. And we want loyalty, honesty, companionship, and most importantly, communication.
How could this be too much to ask? In the human experience, we should all want these traits in a partner. But I think the problem for women is that we expect any man who shows interest in us to be the “one” or want what we want. And what’s so amazing to me is that even when we realize a guy isn’t in it for the honesty and loyalty; we are still honest and loyal to him. Why?
Ladies, get your pen and paper out because the exercise this week must be written down to be effective. Here we go:
1. Make a list of all the men you’ve had sex with (to include relationships) then answer the following questions for each of them.
a. What attracted you to him?
b. How did he treat you?
c. Was he good for you? Why or why not?
d. Why did the relationship or affair end?
When you put your sexual behavior on paper and really see the choices you’ve made, the reality can be embarrassing. But thankfully, it’s for your eyes only so you can be painfully honest. There’s no judging here. Personally, I’ve never made a list like this so I’m a bit anxious about this exercise for myself. I can almost throw-up just thinking back over some of the things I’ve done. LOL
The work in this Watch is two-fold. You’ll clearly see what you need to change and the need for setting standards; and most importantly you’ll see just how much God’s grace has kept you through it all.
My testimony: Some years back, I dated a co-worker for two years. A mutual friend hooked us up; however, this gentleman never told me that he was engaged. When we exchanged phone numbers, I asked if he was seeing anyone and he said that he still communicated with his son’s mother. Well, in my mind, that did not translate to “yes, I’m in a relationship.” The first time I called him; he acted strange for a minute or so then hung up the phone. It was then my gut told me there was something up with him. I confronted him at work about the shady telephone business but he still didn’t come clean. This is when I should have turned the other way and kept it moving. But no…what did I do? I listened… (Ladies, every man has a story. If he is already attached, DON’T LISTEN.) About three months later, after seeing him at work and getting to know him, I believed him to be a great guy who happened to be in a messed up situation. So we started hanging out and doing our thing. Before I knew it, we were nearly two years into our “work escapes” but he was the only one getting anything out of it. By this time I knew he was in a relationship although he never admitted it, and if I had been honest with myself, I knew we would never have more than a good time. Yet, foolishly, I wanted more. At the two-year point, I called it off. So many things had happened between us, but at the same time we were no further along than the first day we met. This was a dead-end relationship. I never considered that what I wanted mattered. I settled for having fun with him on his terms because he liked me, and because he was a nice guy. It was a very costly and painful lesson for me to learn that no matter how much of myself I gave, he would take until I ran out of “me” to give.
Share your story: The great thing about doing this campaign via Blog is that you remain anonymous. So if you’re led to, subscribe at the left menu and add a comment. Simply type in your e-mail address and click the subscribe button. I (we) would love to hear from you!
The Scriptures to focus on daily for this Watch are: Proverbs 14:10; Proverbs 31:30 and James 1:5. And please pray for the campaign and all single women who may be experiencing a touch time with men and love.
Oh, remember to work on your short and long term goals. Don’t put any undo pressure on yourself, but take some time to focus on your direction for the future.
Till next week...Icen
Categories: Sexual Behavior
Tags: black men in america erotic expressions single women campaign take 6 take 6 blog Tom Joyner Morning Show
Well I think we've all been there a time or two or four. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over, expecting different results. I'm woman enough to say that I have been "insane". My very first relationship at 18 was w/ a 42 year-old married man. I was young, dumb, naive, vulnerable and lacked life experience. That situation has been the foundation to poor choices in men all these years later, including another married man 2 years ago and another man that is in a relationship, but not married. I am viewed as a strong, common-sense, logical person. But in my own life I have chosen men that are not emotionally available to me or that end up rejecting me. It has caused me to gain/lose/gain/lose weight and I suffered from depression that required professional help. I am now back on this long, hard, rough, road of taking my power back and I realize, I have to daily, rely on God to get me there. Not be steadfast in the word for a few months and then fall off, but daily. I have asked for forgiveness and am moving on from these situations with prayer, fasting and time. But I can honestly say not having sex and not having a man in my life at "this moment" is one of the best things to happen for me. I need this alone (not lonely), but alone time to reflect on why I do the things I do and why I have invited these men in my life, when I am clearly worth more and deserve more.
Whew! This was therapeutic to type this. Cause nobody knows any of this stuff.
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Thanks for your courage in sharing this intimate story with us. It feels good to write or speak the words that consume your thoughts and weigh heavy on your heart. It's like getting it out frees something up inside of you. Honestly, so many of us have never had a nuturing relationship with a man so we don't realize how damaged we are until we hit rock bottom. And boy what a road it becomes to find our way (for the first time) to a healthy place where we respect and love ourselves, and require it of others. We must rely on God and his promises, and spend time daily in the Word...
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Agree with the author - 100% agreement - as he's thinking really straight and clear!
Thanks for sharing your thoughts
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Hi there...thanks for your comments. I'm a "she".... lol. Check back on January 3rd for the kick-off of Campaign TAKE6, 2011! --Icen
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Loved your post, it's very open minded. Here's the opportunity to check for that list myself and you're right, there are plenty embarrassing moments in my memory. I guess the sexual behavior doesn't always need to come with an explanation.
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I'm glad you found value in the post. Sometimes looking back is not so bad, but in this case, I cringed at my list.
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This is my first time i visit here. I found so many interesting stuff in your blog especially its discussion. keep up the good work.
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Learning keeps you open and allows you to grow with confidence. Being connected to others through personal experience makes your journey to success more alive and can help to generate excitement in your pursuit, Do amazed by your ideas also and do agree with you either.
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Wow, I never knew about this blog before. That's pretty interesting.
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I wanted to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoyed every little bit of it. I have you bookmarked to check out new stuff on your post
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Couldnt be written any better. Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thanks for sharing!
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Hi ... I just stumbled upon your post.. a gud view point.. Hey ur post left me quenching for more Your post really gives out useful knowledge.. thanks
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Valuable information and excellent design you got here! I would like to thank you for sharing your thoughts into the stuff you post!!
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Glad you enjoyed what you read!
Icen
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