2nd Watch - Love, Acceptance, and Forgiveness: February 15 - March 31 (Week 7)
What’s love got to do with it? Everything! I know Tina Turner says “love” is a second-hand emotion. But I beg to differ. I believe a lack of love creates an unquenchable thirst – a void that seeks to be filled.
There is nothing greater in all the earth than love! It makes the heart lighter – it keeps us hopeful, inspired and motivated. All seems right with the world when love is freely flowing in our lives and in all of our relationships (family, friends, romantic, etc.) But what happens when love doesn’t reach the heart? What I mean is what happens when those you love don’t show their love for you in a way that clearly translates into “love” so that the heart is comforted?
Hurt makes the heart fertile ground for self destructive behavior. If you are angry, bitter, cynical about men and even showing signs of desperation (ouch!), understand that these are all merely symptoms. They hide the true condition of the heart. At the core of these feelings is, hurt. If we treat the condition (hurt), the symptoms go away. Here’s the question for this week:
1. Who didn’t love you?
Who left you feeling abandoned, rejected and unloved? Was it a parent, a sibling; a boyfriend? With this question, really think back to when you started to develop that tough skin that serves as your protection from pain and hurt.
The second part to the question is more of an exercise. After you identify the person(s) who hurt you beyond what you’ve been able to move past, do this:
2. Write a letter to them, telling how you felt when they hurt you. Give as much detail as you like because this is for your eyes only. (This is only for your purposes.) The only catch is that you must end the letter with forgiveness. That’s right. You have to forgive the person before closing the letter. Why? Because they may never apologize to you, but you must let it go so that you can move forward.
Lots of emotions will surface during this Watch, but it is part of the cleansing process.
My testimony: I had issues with my father for as early as I can remember. He and my mom divorced when I was 10, but I remember not liking him long before that. He never had a kind word to say to me, and he always made jokes about me not being his kid because I didn’t look like him (my brother and sister did). I didn’t feel loved by him at all. I watched him love everyone but me. I responded to my feelings by being rebellious toward him, and saying hurtful things to other people whenever I was upset. I had no patience. My mom called me “lil red.” I was hot and spicy. LOL Anyway, that was a long time ago, but it has affected every aspect of my life and especially how I’ve dealt with men. Nonetheless, I didn’t understand this until a few years ago. I’ve spent so many years giving sex to get love. I learned in my twenties that you can keep a man coming back for more if you know how to please him. But sadly, it took almost another twenty to realize that pleasing a man didn’t equal him loving me. Moving forward, after my father pasted, I thought the opportunity to make things right was over. However, some years later I wrote him a letter as part of a homework assignment in Bible study that gave me closure. Writing that letter two years ago did more for me than if we had been face to face. It was such a freeing experience. I know my father loved me… I just never felt it. He died of a massive heart attack, and in my letter I wrote how I loved him and hoped
he was at peace and that he didn’t die alone.
For conversation: Can you relate to being angry or bitter? There’s a saying: hurt people, hurt people. Who do you hurt in your life because of your own hurt?
Here are some scriptures for us to stand on for the next couple of weeks: Matthew 22:37-40; 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and Psalm 51:10. I pray that you will allow God to do a great work in you during this Watch. It's time to let go of anything and everything that stands in the way of being free!
Categories: Love and Forgiveness
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This is a powerful assignment. I did it two years ago because of anger issues I didn't know I had, until my aunt brought it to me attention. I found out I had to forgive everybody in my highly dysfunctional family. To this day, I have no type of relationship with any of them. Not that I don't love them or have not forgiven them...but if I'm around them, they continue to emotionally drain me and make me feel bad about who I am and what I try to accomplish, etc. Therefore, I keep my distance. At 52 years young, I'm currently on a healing journey to love and accept myself.
As a result of my past, I have a tendency to choose men who are emotionally unavailable with large and/or close knit families. I've never at anytime, felt special or truly loved by any man I've ended up with. I want to be married and loved like any other woman...but now I need to concentrate on my daughter and myself and not hope (to be married)anymore. It's a necessary process so I can continue on. Thanks.
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You know, sometimes letting go is part of the process. Clearly, there are people (even family members) who are toxic to our lives. And it's okay to wish them well and leave them right where they are. I didn't realize my anger issues either until a few years ago. I'm so greatful that God is allowing me share my healing experiences with other women, especially those such as yourself who have been on the journey to self love for awhile. There is deliverance and healing in us sharing our stories. Thanks so much for your comments. I believe when we stop looking for love, it will find us. Don't stop hoping... Be encouraged!
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This assignment was very interesting. I have heard of doing this before, but I never did...until today. It felt really good. I had already forgiven those who have hurt me a long time ago. I have come to realize in life that things that happened in the past cannot be changed and you just have to move forward from where you are. Why dwell on the past when that time is gone? I do have to deal with some things/people in my present who I allow to keep me bound to my "addiction to emotional pain". I am off to a great start by not giving so much of myself anymore. Also, learning about the love that God has for me is making me think twice about what I have thought of as love in the past. I first have to love God and then myself before I can be my best person for who He has for me. Again, I really enjoyed this exercise and I just might have to start writing in my journal again.
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You reminded me that "hurt people hurt people." And, for many of my women clients, realizing that truth provides the motivation to heal themselves . . . for the sake of others---those people close to them whom they no longer want to (inadvertently) hurt.
It grieves me that they do not see their own hurt as something to be healed for their own sake, but God works in mysterious ways . . . his wonders (of healing) to perform.
Keep the healing coming . . .
Janette
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--Icen
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I can identify with your feelings with your father and the process you used to reach forgiveness. It is really a powerful tool that we have been given. This tool is hard to use, but when you do manage to, it gives great rewards.
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Thanks for checking out the blog and sharing it with friends. --Icen
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